Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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