have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
