Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
