Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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