Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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