redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
