look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
