tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
