I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that's an acceptable place to lick
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
