Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
