She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
