the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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