i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
