woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
