i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
