Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
