This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
