if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All the doctor said was why
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
