so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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