just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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