thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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