There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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