Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
