those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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