I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
