Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
