checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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