So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
