You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
