i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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