I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
