chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
