WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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