this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
