i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I see more hoeing in ur future
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
