ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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