Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
