I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
