This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
