When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
