Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
