Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
