I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
