It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
