I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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