He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
