one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You are the jesus of drinking
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