I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
