Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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