that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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