What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
