I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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