I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
